All Grown Up

Okay I am sure that every mom feels the same way when there littlest one all the sudden is not quite so small anymore- but I am finding myself in tears over the littlest things with the twins. I am not sure if it is tears that some of the things that required so much work are over or tears realizing that there are a few short days/weeks left when they are going to want to be treated in any way like a little one. Today we had coop and the twins laid out their clothes, had their bags by the door and shoes-- crazy but where did my little people go. I have been trying to read to the three youngest at night- something I do with the boys but somehow have let go with the little ones. Amelia takes her turn reading to the twins and tonight they wanted to pretend to read-- really, really reading- i thought that we would never be here and now that we are I must admit it is hard to know that there is not going to be another baby in the house- i know i know I have five kids you would think that there have been enough baby years- i think it is more than that I think it is the change that comes with older kids- yes you get to have those great conversations and see the gifts God has blessed then with but you also have to share them. Not a lot of people want to share your potty training two year old or the snotty nosed three year old- but the older kids get the more people they have in their life. I know this is good and in the long run I will be so excited for them and all that they get to experience but for now I would love to slow down the clock-- not of course the part of the day where I am cooking or cleaning just the great quiet moments spent reading with them, dancing, painting, laughing you know the stuff that kids do really well. There have been many times the past two years that we have had heart breaking things happen and I lately was getting very blue about what God's plan was and how all this fits and struggling with the struggle and then i had to stop and realize all the blessing in the middle of the struggle. God does not say that he takes away the struggle of living in a sinful world but he has so provided a shelter from the storm- a reason to laugh in the middle of the very hard times. I think there are so many people that miss out on the joys of parenting because of all the hard work- i guess i am old fashioned but really does anything good come from things that come too easy- isn't marriage hard- isn't loving your friends when they disappoint you hard, isn't giving someone grace hard- i think that we are constantly buying the lie the world is selling that things should be easy and if they are hard you are doing them wrong- sometimes life is just hard!!! So this week when my 11 year old son wanted to talk about marriage- guess who was the one that got to imprint some great ideas about God's plan for marriage on that little brain "me" when the boys are fighting and both wanting their way- who got to talk with them about thinking of others first "me" when Amelia wanted me to explain how exactly God lives in her heart I was there- and when the twins wanted to sing Jesus loves me for the 100th time - we sang. So in the midst of the struggles I have been praying that God would calm my anxious spirit, a spirit that is wanting things to be how i see fit-- but realizing I need to constantly surrender to what God sees as best---so for now- we are going to laugh more- dance more-- read more great books--play cards at night at the kitchen table---pray for wisdom and trust that our heavenly father who loves us more then we can comprehend has a plan------