Here We Go Again

I haven't been posting because quite frankly I have not had anything good to say. I have been going through a stage in life where things just seem too hard and to take way too much energy. I have been left feeling as though God has taken a step back out of my life and I am floundering around. I have been reminded that that is just how I feel and is not the case at all. I have been taken to a place of comfort and ease (as much comfort and ease as there can be with five small children) to a place of constant work and frustration. I feel as though I am being tested to see if I will remain faithful to all I believe when things are very difficult not just frustrating but when things are turned absolutely upside down. We have been renting a house for the last year since moving- we found out the owners are transfering back so here we go on the house search. Let's just say it is not for the light hearted- 5 children in the car for hours- wandering through other peoples homes just to come back to where we live and hear the same comments "this is home- why are we moving, why can we not stay". Anyway- I could list a million complaints on how it seems totally unfair that we have no family close, no babysitter etc but thats just the facts, add in the builder messing up our house not once, twice but yes three times. So now we have three weeks till the move out date and no house. The boxes are backed but now I must begin repacking as some will go to storage and some to a rental house. I would laugh if this was someone else's life and say "what in the world are they doing" but the facts are we have looked at a million houses and doors have slammed shut- so last week we were in our little small town and saw a moving truck in front of an aquaintances house-w e stopped to talk wondering "is she really moving" Darcy was talking to her and come to find out she is moving and she would love for us to rent her house- sounds great right- hahahhaha that's right 1600 square feet, 3 bedrooms a small eat in kitchen and the 7 of us. It was such a gracious offer as she has a wonderful historic home but more for 4 people not seven. But again God has provided a rental with no lease, a pretty house- though very small and we get to keep our pets as she has an amazing backyard. So I am learning the hard way to be grateful, and that there is provision made in many ways different then we can imagine. Do I know where we will be next year- no, next christmas no- but for now I am storing all the trappings of my life, and bringing only what I need into the new house- it is funny how many things I have that I am not quite sure if I even like- When you pray for things beware they may come in many different forms then you could ever imagine. As for our little rental house- we wil get to stay in the same area, have money for the kids to do a 2 day a week school, clean through our stuff and cut down on the time cleaning this big old house, get back to basics- not sure I even know what that looks like anymore. As for kids- I love them- they have no idea the stress of a situation - the boys were talking today and are so excited to get to live in Ms. Denise's house. They are wondering what house we will try next-- so far I have been told as long as the legos (boys) and Molly ( amelia) come with us to the new house things will be fine. I feel blessed that God is working things out in our lives. I must admit I am being stretched more than I felt was possible- I have cried more tears then I thought possible and today I have begun to feel the relief God has provided through not giving me what I thought I wanted. Even typing that I realize how much like my children I am - I think I know what is best and I stomp my feet and say give me what I want- and then I realize that there is one who knows so much better than I, one who waits patient for me to be obediant so that he can give me what is actually good for me.